Which Road to Take?

So lately, Leo and I have hit a rut in finances and our future. As of this moment, we're in between jobs and money is really tight. We sat down and had a talk about what to do and the subject of him going back on active duty came up. Talk about a tough subject. I know it's something he would love to do...its really the only job that he enjoyed doing and that he loved. I know he wants this...but for me, I'm not really sure what to think. I guess you could say I'm somewhere stuck in the middle. I know he would want this and I will support him in any decisions he makes. Yeah it would be good for financial situations and we would be set and taken care of...but the thought of leaving family and friends behind tears me up. I would be lost without all of them. I moved away to Florida for 8-9 months before and I hated almost every second of it being on my own. Although, this time would be different because Leo and I would be married and we would actually be living together...rather than a couple nights a week and weekends like it was in the past. But besides the fact of moving miles upon miles away from home and leaving the life I have always known behind...the one thing that scares me more than anything is the fact of him deploying. Which I know I have to deal with it now as it is, since he's "supposed" to be deployed by this time next year...but i don't know. I just hate it. Being on active duty means more chances of being deployed. I honestly don't know if I would even be able to handle it. He mentioned something about possibly re classing and try to find a permanent non deployable unit, which would be GREAT, but its all up in the air right now. As of right now, after talking to his SGT down at the Armory here in Corry, he basically cant go on active duty until either after his contract is up with the Guard or until after he returns home from deploying to Iraq with his unit here in Corry.

Needless to say, today has been full of serious conversations, confusion and stress. I honestly don't even know where my head is at right now. Yes, it sounds great to get away and build a new home and a life with the man I love and not have to really worry about all the little things like we do now...like living from paycheck to paycheck. Why would I even want to turn down that opportunity? But on the other hand, when you're family means as much to you as mine does and you're close with them....its hard to even imagine not seeing them every day. And when I actually sit here and think about how I'm whining about this fact, I then realize how much I take for granted. I live in the same town as them...just blocks away from everyone...and I don't visit or talk or anything as much as I should be. Even now, I've become close with Leo's family...theyre basically my family and I consider his mom like my 2nd mother. Im close with his niece, Kylie, and I've started to become a little closer with his brother, Tony. It would even hurt me to leave them as well. I don't know...I shouldn't even really be worrying about all of this right now because like I said, its not like we're going to be leaving anytime soon. Unless he can talk to a recruiter and see if they can find some sort of loop hole to get him back on active a lot sooner and not have to worry about all of this other crap with the Guard. I guess I just needed to vent in a way and get things out now since all of this just came up today. So I thank you all for taking the time to actually sit here and read my ramblings :0) haha! As much as I'm sitting here complaining and going back and forth...in a small way, I do want this for myself as well. I think it would be good for us to get away from stupid drama this town brings...it'd give us a chance to have it just be the two of us and it'd give us more ambition on life or however you want to say it. Who knows....we'll just have to wait it out and see what happens. Which hopefully we hear something soon about whats going on. Dont worry...I'll be keeping y'all updated once we start hearing more about this situation!

You cant build a future on past memories...

So its been awhile since I have last written. I just can never find the time to write or think of things to write about. Needless to say, I'm not very good at this haha! I'm babysitting my nieces, Kendall and Gabby, again today. They've been really good. Kendall wasn't too happy with Leo though because he took down her fort the other day lol So she told me to put it back up so she could be happy again haha shes a nut!

In a way I think I am still recovering from last week haha I've definitely had my feel of drinking and partying to say the least. We went out Wednesday night (Thanksgiving Eve) and that was a blast! I got to see so many of my friends and I had a special surprise from one of my best guy friends, Drew "Turtle" Crowther :0) He came home for a visit and I haven't seen him in forever! So that was a nice surprise. The night was perfect, until the end of the night when walking from one bar to another, I rolled my ankle lol Leo tells me that I was more worried about my jeans being muddy & wet rather than the fact that i could barely walk haha oh well! Thanksgiving was good. We were lucky to have 2 dinners...had dinner out to his parents house around 1pm and then had dinner with my family around 4pm. Then we ended up going out Friday and Saturday night to hang out and party with some old friends...definitely a great time. Those 3 nights of going to the bar was probably the best time I've had in a very long time. No drama, no fighting...nothing. Just a fun time out with friends :0)

Now that Thanksgiving is over with, that means Christmas is just around the corner. Which is completely crazy. I don't even know if we're gonna be able to buy any presents for anyone this year because we ran into some money situations. Kinda sucks that it had to happen at this point in time. Hopefully we can figure something out by the time Christmas is here though.

In reference to my previous entry...Things are okay again. Well I'm not all depressed or upset anymore I guess I should say. I'm just trying my best to start seeing things in a positive way. Life is much easier and more pleasant that way. People keep trying to cause problems between Leo and I but no matter what they try or what they say, nothing could ever break us apart. We don't care what others think/say because we're happy with one another and that's all that matters. We don't focus on the past...we focus on our present and our future :0)

When will things get better?

I skipped yesterday by accident. Had too much going on and just wasnt up to writing. I ended up having to babysit my 2 nieces, Kendall (3) and Gabrielle (1) and I'm gonna be watching them today and tomorrow as well so my mom can get the house ready for Thanksgiving. They're actually laying down and watching Shrek 3 right now, so I found some time to sit here & vent. I've been sort of down the past couple days. Some family business came about yesterday and it's just got me really down. Some people just dont understand and they never will I suppose. I'm not going to mention names or go into great detail because like I said, it's a family matter. I just wish things were different and it could all be easier. I ended up cheering up later on into the evening a bit...Leo's brother, Tony, showed up here & hung out with us for the night. Actually even stayed the night. We had a good time. But today's not much better either I guess you could say. It has its ups and downs. Hopefully everything starts to look up as the day goes by...knowing my luck, it wont.

One thing I cannot wait for is tomorrow night...that's when I can really let loose and have some fun. Every year on the Eve of Thanksgiving, the whole town of Corry is packed in almost every bar with all the college kids coming home and its just a great time. Leo and I are going with some friends and I'm kind of excited to see old friends out and about. So it should definitely be a good time. Then on Thanksgiving day we're having dinner out to his parents house around 1 and dinner with my family later on in the day. I still cant get over the fact that this time of the year is already here...soon enough Christmas will be approaching us. Talk about crazy :-p It's actually going to be quite wierd living in my own apartment with Leo on Christmas. I'm actually trying to talk him into putting a little xmas tree in here for us :0) hehe

Well I guess I better get back to babysitting and entertaining the kids. Shrek's almost over now. They're quite happy because I made them a really "cool" fort in the 2nd bedroom and a little "forest" table for their animals lol They were pretty impressed & they have fun having their own little room to play in. Maybe I'll write later on....who knows. If not, I'll eventually find the time to bore you all again haha

Beginning a new path...

Wow, I haven't written a blog in YEARS. Not since I lived in Florida anyways haha But my lovely "future" sister in law talked me into it (or as I would say, "pressured" me lol j/k) I'm not even sure where to even begin with all of this or what to say. I used to love writing...it was sort of a release for me I guess you could say. But with it being years since I have last written anything, I'm not entirely sure where this will all go. We'll just have to wait and see :0)

As most everyone knows, A LOT has changed for me within the past 3 years. I hit a rough patch in my life a couple years back, but eventually I finally found my way and I could not be happier. I went to school, met new people, and met an amazing man in my life....who is now my fiance. Meeting him was the best thing to ever really happen to me. I know a lot of people say the same exact thing when they meet someone new, but for me I truly do mean it. I was depressed and going through a hard time in my life and getting to know Leo "brought me back to life." I've become really close with him, closer than I have ever gotten to another guy. He became my best friend, basically the only person I could ever truly count on in my life, besides my family of course. I have never in my life been so comfortable with someone...I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for finding him :0) So these days, we've been trying to plan our wedding. Which at times is VERY stressful...but its all coming together beautifully! We've actually put a hold on the planning though, at least until we find out whats going on with family situations and personal matters. I pray that everything works out and we can get back to planning again!

As for the school situation....I ended up dropping out of that because I came to realize that being a surgical technologist just wasn't for me. I couldn't handle it, I was having a hard time with it all and then when I needed someone to talk to about it....teachers were quitting, director was ignoring phone calls and then retired. Just a bunch of bullshit and I couldn't handle it anymore. I know I upset a lot of people (my parents mostly) but it was something I had to do. I wasn't happy and I had no motivation to continue going. So after I pay off loans and get settled with Leo after the wedding...I'm planning on going back to school and getting into something that I know I truly want to do. What that something is, I really do not know. Hopefully I can figure all that out when the time comes, which I'm sure I will.

I believe I have rambled enough for one blog...especially being my first one. Now its a test to see if I can actually keep up with this thing haha