Which Road to Take?

So lately, Leo and I have hit a rut in finances and our future. As of this moment, we're in between jobs and money is really tight. We sat down and had a talk about what to do and the subject of him going back on active duty came up. Talk about a tough subject. I know it's something he would love to do...its really the only job that he enjoyed doing and that he loved. I know he wants this...but for me, I'm not really sure what to think. I guess you could say I'm somewhere stuck in the middle. I know he would want this and I will support him in any decisions he makes. Yeah it would be good for financial situations and we would be set and taken care of...but the thought of leaving family and friends behind tears me up. I would be lost without all of them. I moved away to Florida for 8-9 months before and I hated almost every second of it being on my own. Although, this time would be different because Leo and I would be married and we would actually be living together...rather than a couple nights a week and weekends like it was in the past. But besides the fact of moving miles upon miles away from home and leaving the life I have always known behind...the one thing that scares me more than anything is the fact of him deploying. Which I know I have to deal with it now as it is, since he's "supposed" to be deployed by this time next year...but i don't know. I just hate it. Being on active duty means more chances of being deployed. I honestly don't know if I would even be able to handle it. He mentioned something about possibly re classing and try to find a permanent non deployable unit, which would be GREAT, but its all up in the air right now. As of right now, after talking to his SGT down at the Armory here in Corry, he basically cant go on active duty until either after his contract is up with the Guard or until after he returns home from deploying to Iraq with his unit here in Corry.

Needless to say, today has been full of serious conversations, confusion and stress. I honestly don't even know where my head is at right now. Yes, it sounds great to get away and build a new home and a life with the man I love and not have to really worry about all the little things like we do now...like living from paycheck to paycheck. Why would I even want to turn down that opportunity? But on the other hand, when you're family means as much to you as mine does and you're close with them....its hard to even imagine not seeing them every day. And when I actually sit here and think about how I'm whining about this fact, I then realize how much I take for granted. I live in the same town as them...just blocks away from everyone...and I don't visit or talk or anything as much as I should be. Even now, I've become close with Leo's family...theyre basically my family and I consider his mom like my 2nd mother. Im close with his niece, Kylie, and I've started to become a little closer with his brother, Tony. It would even hurt me to leave them as well. I don't know...I shouldn't even really be worrying about all of this right now because like I said, its not like we're going to be leaving anytime soon. Unless he can talk to a recruiter and see if they can find some sort of loop hole to get him back on active a lot sooner and not have to worry about all of this other crap with the Guard. I guess I just needed to vent in a way and get things out now since all of this just came up today. So I thank you all for taking the time to actually sit here and read my ramblings :0) haha! As much as I'm sitting here complaining and going back and forth...in a small way, I do want this for myself as well. I think it would be good for us to get away from stupid drama this town brings...it'd give us a chance to have it just be the two of us and it'd give us more ambition on life or however you want to say it. Who knows....we'll just have to wait it out and see what happens. Which hopefully we hear something soon about whats going on. Dont worry...I'll be keeping y'all updated once we start hearing more about this situation!